Keep Truckin'

The spirit of Lent has finally reached my heart. Unbearable as the pruning process is, I am thanking God for it. Jason and I were recently blessed with some financial breathing room and while one of our goals was to get out of debt, we were also hoping to upgrade to a nicer "family truckster" of some sort. I generally drive around Jason's beast of a truck, because I don't drive far and it's a gas guzzler, while he drives my Honda to work during the week which saves us substantially on gas. However, I find that driving the beast makes me want to crawl out of my skin. It's awkward to get in and out of, quite inconvenient for shopping with children and car seats and strollers. I was really having my heart set on something, anything that was more family friendly. Minivans have never looked so luxurious. But now the truck is payed for, and we have no car payments! What a blessing! I've been sensing that Jason would prefer to not buy something right now, since it would be a chance for us to get ahead financially. I had also had a conversation with my dad, the ever-provider of good sense and wisdom, and after I described how impractical it would be to KEEP the truck, he reminded me that it was payed for. There I realized, while it is inconvenient, the truck isn't impossible for me to deal with. I was beginning to feel a tinge of guilt for being so insistent on something.

Then yesterday I went to a Bible study with some friends from my old church. They are my dear friends, friends whom if there ever were a tragedy in my life (God forbid) would leave a casserole or other hot meals on my doorstep, and you don't just forget about friends like that, even if you make a church change. So I shared that I was sort of feeling like I needed to tell Jason that we should not buy a new car yet, as much as it pained my ego, and fleshy, evil, selfish side. I had explained the whole situation, and they all agreed and supported me with Godly counsel and gentle pats of encouragement. I told Jason last night about my thoughts, which he appreciated, and I think he felt kind of relieved. I feel awful for burdening him with my silly expectations. In some ways I feel free from the chains of consumerism. But I find myself wrestling with thoughts of jealousy towards all the young moms I see in their cute little SUVs. Why do I mourn a loss of some material possession I never even had? Am I really that shallow? With all the Lenten self-examination, yes, I am that shallow. A shallow sinner. Lord help me to get over myself.