Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Lagging behind.

We had a quiet Thanksgiving with Jason's dad and uncle, and brother. The turkey was phenominal. Jason's dad is quite the cook, and makes maple-brined, barbecued turkey. It's the best turkey I have ever had. Ever.

We have loosely been trying to fast. We decided on just doing Lenten dinners for now, so that I can learn some new recipes, and we can get a feel for what fasting is like. We aren't eating any meat though. And we cut back our dairy too. But being pregnant, my appetite is insatiable. Just about every night, I just had to have a bowl of cereal before bed or I wake up to my angry stomach at three in the morning. And Thanksgiving day was the first day I felt full all week. I've been a fasting slacker since then. Last night I made chickpeas with cous cous, and cheated because I used olive oil. I should have made it tonight, as I believe there is an allowance for oil on Tuesdays. Anyhow, it was pretty good. Jason wasn't thrilled with it, but it was the first new recipe I've made that I actually liked. Jason and Hannah loved the black bean and rice soup, which actually ended up more the consistancy of gumbo. (I put the rice in too soon.) They ate it the next few days for snacks and burritos. I wasn't thrilled with it though. I think it would have been better if I had cooked the onions first. And I didn't slow cook it very long. I hate it when onions remain slightly crispy in soup. Blech. Jason, however, requested that I make it the exact same way next time. Thanks to Michelle M. for all the fun recipes.

This last week was a very Orthodox week for us. We went to Liturgy on Thanksgiving day morning, saw the exhibit at the Getty of the Icons of St. Catherine's Monastery on Saturday (very beautiful), then went to our class, this time explaining the Nicene Creed, followed up the evening with Vespers, and then back to Liturgy Sunday morning. Jason, being an all or nothing kind of guy, likes to dive right in when he decides to do something. I usually take a more modified approach. Sunday evening he was reading and going over some notes from class and started quizing me on aspects and history of the Creed. I was not in the mood. I was frustrated and tired and felt like being my normal self for the moment. We ended up being really irritated with each other. I think I'm used to compartmentalizing pieces of my life. Even though my faith has been a huge chunk of my life for years, guiding me in most of the other areas, I've had a sense, and perhaps a comfort, that if need be, I could sort of, kind of, set it aside. Suddenly, my ego feels threatened, which is usually the time I become a defensive jerk. Hannah and Jason seem to be right at home in the new church, Hannah being the most comfortable. She loves church, asks to go, loves kissing the cross and icons, lighting candles, and making new friends. Jason, for the first time feels in his element while being at church. And while, I love the Orthodox church, and feel committed to eventually becoming Orthodox, it's not a race, and I'd like to pace myself a bit more. And I'm missing people at my old church. I feel liberated in so many ways but in mourning as well. And like I continue to disappoint everyone. I'm the grump dragging everyone down. So here I am, feeling my feelings with no one to tell them to but my dumb blog. :P


Blogger Mom said...

We miss you too. But taking your time to learn and grow. You will make thoughtful decisions. Better to smolder that flash. Love you

8:05 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Ok.. I tried to comment on your blog once and I don't think it worked, so I will try again. I apologize ahead of time if this is a repeat.

I can completely relate to what you are saying. Don't worry about keeping up with your hubby, or even your daughter. Take your time. I have found, recently, that when rush into new things Orthodox, I fall flat on my face. These things (fasting, prayer, going to multiple services) are not lifeiving anymore, they are actually hurting me and my relationship with God and others. It is best to just do what you can. God will meet you where you are.

As for fasting, don't stress about it. Just do what you can. I'l glad that recipes are working out for you. I haven't even tried most. I had the Orthodox Frito pie last night, but changed it up a little bit. I am well-known for not following recipes :) I like to make things up on my own and they always turn out well, so it makes things fun. Enjoy!!

8:34 AM  
Blogger Lauren S. said...

Thanks Mom and Michelle.

This post is sort of depressing. Sorry. I blame it all on my flat iron. It broke, and ever since, I've been feeling how I look.

Frumpy and lumpy.

11:06 AM  
Blogger annie said...

Hi Lauren,
I am just getting myself caught up with your last couple of posts. I've been out of town visiting and traveling around with family, it's good to be home. Hopefully, I will have something to blog soon.
You are so open and honest and express your self so well. Evan and I definitely rushed into converting, there was no one there to slow us down. We haven 't looked back and don't regret it for a second but I can definately see the good in taking your time, going through some of the fasts and experiencing the different services. It's hard because you want so badly to be a part of it all completely and that is why we jumped on in. It can be a bit overwhelming and honestly, still is at times. I pray that it doesn't keep you from the beauty and joy that is present in our services this time of year.
And how nice that you have a supportive Mom. What good advice.
It sounds like you are a little tired, overwhelmed and emotional. Oh yeah! Your pregnant!! Remember, that belly is going to get cuter and cuter as that babe grows and you'll be feeling a lot better soon I bet. Straight hair or not.

12:22 PM  

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